If Anthony Bourdain taught my Class

I've spent the last fifteen minutes wondering how long I would have in my school district if I spoke to my students like Anthony Bourdain speaks to his audience. A quick toss of the hair, a monochromatic outfit, a cigarette hanging from the side of my mouth and an F-you every 3.4 seconds. If Anthony Bourdain were teaching my class today, he would have put his dirty, travel-weary boots on top of my gradebook, sighed a loud, exasperated sigh, told my kids to damn societal expectations and lead them like the pied piper across the quad, trampling on flowers and teacher's open-mouthed stares, spinning tales of humid, spicy places, waving his glinting sunglasses in opposite directions.

Not for Lack of Trying

DSC_0044, originally uploaded by jshannon331.

I have known this week was coming for quite some time. Here I am, though it's a holiday, my eyes springing open at 6:07- the time my alarm clock is yet to be set to. I've been trying this morning to wrap my brain about all things inconceivable in the fleeting quiet this house often has on weekends in the early part of the day. Some are without much meaning(Why on earth do we celebrate all of those who worked so hard by getting a day off? Shouldn't it mean that we should be inspired to work harder?). Some, have meaning only to me, (I wonder if I should invest in moleskin stock for the up and coming high-heeled season?) and some, I'm sure, have been pondered by those who've gone before me( Why won't God speak to me?)

I am well-versed in the act of aversion and pride. I am quick to say that I am fine, God is faithful, I will be strong and it will all work out. I will not show signs of weakness, I apologize when I cry and I "pick myself up and dust myself off" before I would allow anyone to give me a hand. Well, pardon my language, but, screw that.

In the early morning with the light just breaking through, before anyone else has woken up yet and I can enjoy the first cup of coffee in self-pitying silence, I'm laying down my hands. I'm not going to do it anymore. I don't feel fine in this moment- and it's quite amazing how, in that simple admonition, something else begins to unfold. How can He possibly be my strength in weakness, if I will never admit how weak I am?

This article was useful this morning.  Read more about strength through weakness here.