Indecisive-less

I have a problem. I'm not sure how big of a problem it is, or if, in fact, it is a problem at all. Even in that example shines the very essence of my problem. I am indecisive. I'm more than indecisive. I am maddening. Ask my husband.

I wake up in a cold sweat exactly six minutes before my alarm goes off every morning. I squeeze my eyes tighter as I wait for the rain of assailing questions. What will I wear today? Pants suit or black skirt? Eggs or cereal? Do I even have time for breakfast? Coffee before shower or shower before coffee? Peanut butter or tuna for lunch? Trust me, it doesn't end there. My indecisiveness has permeated every part of life from my majors in college ( yes, majors- I went from Music to Psych back to Music to Communications to graduating with an English degree) to the restaurant my husband told me to pick for our night out. Ethiopian or Thai? Italian. Italian's always safe. Unless...

Of course, I realize that my indecisiveness has a ceiling. I mean, I married after all. I had to decide on that. I choose the new car we drive without hesitation. I hands down know that I can't wear pink without a tan. So, why doesn't that part of me drift over into the other, more annoying part?

For several reasons, I believe. I tend to take the saying, " If you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else" quite seriously. And I am not a say-no-er. I hate to say no. To anything. (Unless it's directly related to physical activity. ) If I commit to taking French lessons, then I certainly can't take Portuguese. If I invest more practice time on the guitar, I won't have any time for the piano. If I say yes to the lunch date with a friend, I am a bad wife for not staying home to clean my disaster of a house. And so on. The second reason being, the typical people-pleaser answer. I've spent my life conceding to the desires of others, I'm not really sure I even know what I want. And, if I don't know what I want, how can I possibly make a decision?

So, be patient with me, friends, if I'm hesitant in suggesting a coffee house in which to meet. Or if I can't even decide what time would be best. I'm learning how to weigh the options and actually choose (that's the dead air on the phone, in case you ever wondered). I am taking all kinds of new steps in this new season of life. Indecisive-less, here I come!

Beloved

It was 12:30 and I called my husband at work on my lunch break with the sob story of my day. He listened patiently, reassured me through my hyper-ventilating that my day was over soon and that he couldn't wait to see me. An hour later when I called back with a relocation proposal, to Africa preferably, I heard him smile over the phone and say, " Take a deep breath. Meet me at the train. I made reservations for 6."

I'm ashamed to admit that I sometimes take my husband for granted. He tells me that he loves me everyday. He calls me and texts me throughout the day to remind me that he's thinking of me. He cleans up after meals. He does all the laundry, for crying out loud. He provides and cares for me more than anything I've ever experienced before. I had thought that these things are just things that husbands are supposed to do. Wrong. My husband isn't supposed to do these things. He doesn't have to do these things. He does them because he loves me. He loves me in a way I am only beginning to understand.

I hear all the time from women who feel neglected, taken advantage of or taken for granted by their husbands. I have no idea what they're talking about. However, it's a good reminder of how blessed I am. How I need to acknowledge my loving spouse every day and make sure I'm not taking who he is for granted.

I would certainly elaborate, but, I have surprise plans for 6 with the most incredible, dashing man.